We, too, once thought that all kiosks were the same. A couple different bottles of beer, the usual cigarettes, some munchies and five types of mint Orbit. Some kiosks work later than others but, really, what’s the difference? Or so we thought until we stumbled by chance onto the colossus of kiosks.
Passing under the junction of Khreshchatyk and Chervono-armiyska, after a lengthy and inconclusive night researching the best Ukrainian cognac, we saw, as if in a vision, this God among kiosks.
It seemed too good to be true. Bubble gum flavored cigars (Hr 3), laser key chains (Hr 18) and Pussy brand condoms (Hr 1) only begin to describe the unbelievable amount of random stuff for sale at this 24-hour oasis.
In the window, illuminated brightly as the flagship product of this kiosk, was a bong! Its Hr 300 price tag ensures that it will remain there for a while. Other pot smoking paraphernalia abounds at this hippie heaven. Rolling papers (Hr 6), filters (Hr 7) and even Philly Blunts (Hr 4.50) are for sale.
For people looking for legal things to smoke, there is a huge tobacco selection, too. Everything from Arab apple tobacco (Hr 30) to Drum (Hr 14) and snuff (Hr 11) is on hand. The kiosk offers dozens of varieties of cheap to mid-range cigars. And, to light up, you can buy a gun lighter (Hr 30) or simply refill your fake Zippo (Hr 14) with lighter fluid (Hr 12).
Californians and other non-smokers need not fear, however. There are plenty of non-carcinogenic things for sale, too. Fuji film starts from Hr 12 and watches of almost Swiss quality from Hr 4.
Golden rings are a bargain at Hr 6 a pop. Toenail clippers (Hr 21) and handcuffs (Hr 8) are among the novelty items. Rain ponchos (Hr 4), Jacobs Monarch coffee (Hr 16) and leather passport holders with Ukraina stamped on them (Hr 11) help shatter any illusion of consistency in product selection.
But that is not all. The unlabeled lion mask (perhaps it’s priceless), hair spray (Hr 6.50), matchbox cars (Hr 5) and Elfin twins (Hr 45) all cry out to be bought. Fashionable eu de cologne Golden Galleon (Hr 9) doubles as a stiff drink when you can’t find any alcohol for sale.
Pantyhose (Hr 10) for those who developed a run in the middle of the night. Fake tattoos (Hr 5) for instant attitude. Knee pads (Hr 13) for protection against sudden ice storms. A knife with a three-inch blade (Hr 13.50) for safety’s sake. Gillette Mach 3 blades (Hr 30) for a close shave. Supersonic Interceptor BAC Lightning F6 (Hr 26) for a rush. And the list goes on …
