Leave all the accoutrements of Kyiv's high life below street level at the hideously hip fox-hole Blindazh
aying, the stools hurt your back, and the lighting is at least as bad as the service; but the drinks are cheap and there’s ramshackle charm you won’t find in a high-brow sort of establishment.
Our search for the city’s best dive bar required forethought. The dress code begged for ripped jeans and tee shirts and, for the girls, no heels or skirts. That depleted the field exploration team, but not substantially.
Off we went.
Down and Dirty
Our first stop was a little hole called Stena (the Wall), located in Besarabska Market downtown. The fashionable nightclub Tchaikovsky is usually what people think of what they think of the nightlight scene at the Market, but that doesn’t mean the Wall should be avoided.
The Wall fits the description of a dive bar only loosely. The place has a glossy sign out front, there’s a TV screen or two in there, and the beers – of which there are many on tap – are cheap, but not as dirt cheap as they should be. The lighting is dim and the service is often slow, but that’s about all it has going for it dive-wise.
Another place that doesn’t exactly fit the description of a dive is Sunduk Pub, which we almost took off our scouting list anyway. It’s been written about in our oh-so-bourgeois sister publication, Afisha, and in addition to their location just off Maidan, near McDonald’s, they have a second one near the Hotel Express on Tarasa Shevchenka. “Second location” is a term that’s not found in the dive bar dictionary, and neither is “marketing.” At least the place serves cheap beers, and has the requisite dim lighting and questionable service, but it’s simply just too trendy a spot to be worth further investigation.
A key element that makes a dive bar is that management never forgets who their friends are. Do you sell out in the name of modernization and cheap publicity? We wouldn’t, but the guys at Cafe Cupidon did not long ago.
Located on Pushkinska, Cupidon was once hailed by several on the Best Of team as being the ultimate dive bar. The dingy atmosphere and the awful quality of the speakers made drinking there – whether in front of a live band or the stereo – a blessedly dismal experience. Then management gutted the place and tried to make it bigger while still retaining the divey atmosphere.
The Best Of team felt cheated after this most recent visit: Cupidon’s just not the same. And, especially since the bar had a star-studded reopening earlier this year, we’ve felt sufficiently bummed that we hesitated to return lest we encounter some paparazzi. No longer a dive bar, this.
We also considered checking out the sports bar Garage on Shota Rustaveli and even the Jepsen Blues bar, but these themed places aren’t dive bars, they’re theme bars. Enough said.
Almost There
Pretty damn divey in its own right, and amazingly rowdy and informal, is Docker Pub, way up in the city’s north end, past Heroyiv Dnipra metro station. This live music club makes the list for various reasons, not least of which is that it’s nearly impossible to find, even with a map and good directions. Basically, you have to have been there before to find it, which makes it feel a little cooler. It’s properly underappreciated, as any dive bar should be.
Docker Pub has divey traits like a stage oddly located above and behind the bar (no chicken wire, though) for local blues and rockabilly bands, and the drinks are cheap. More importantly, it’s got these massive oaken campground-style tables which, as the patrons have long since discovered, are perfect for spilling beer and vodka on, as well as for stripping and dancing. But Docker doesn’t win, because a dive can’t be a location in itself; it has to be an option among more attractive surrounding options. The nearest thing to this place is the sign letting drivers know they’ve entered Kyiv.
Also close to the top is that longtime ex-pat hangout Baraban, or the Drum. It’s got so many things going for it dive-wise that the Best Of team almost gave top honors to it out of hand.
First off, it’s hard to find. At the bottom of Prorizna just a bit downhill from Kozak Mamay restaurant, go through a low iron-bar archway past several reeking garbage bins that bums are often picking through, turn left and look for the ground floor lights.
Inside, there are other dive bar accoutrements, such as impenetrable cigarette smoke and reduced visibility and patrons who have deeper relationships with the waitresses and their favorite chairs than they do with their spouses.
It’s not high-brow – but it’s not low-brow, either. The Drum didn’t get the Best Of nod as the city’s best dive bar, largely because the talk often centers on politics, or, worse, business. Dive bars tend to be filled with grizzled veterans and soused bums, not smooth-talking diplomats and well-padded guys in polo shirts who are affiliated with the U.S. State Department.
Besides, the drinks aren’t so cheap either. Plus, at a dive bar the house generally slips you the occasional round for free. We’ve never gotten a knock at the Drum in all the time we’ve spent in Kyiv.
Delving Deeper
The two spots in Kyiv that take the top spots in our Best Of search share many things in common but, surprisingly, not the same owner (they’re just so alike).
Runner-up in our search is a tiny place called Pilot. It’s just off Lvivska Ploshcha in the embassy district, of all places, and the management couldn’t care less.
The name suggests military aviation and so does everything inside, from the parachute ceiling, to the air force emblem stickers from various countries on the wall, to the flight suited- and -helmeted dummy in the corner, to the model planes strung from the ceiling with thread or glued to the wall. The pints are cheap (Hr 3 to Hr 5), and you’re lucky if anyone notices when you walk in, staff or regulars alike. They just don’t care, and they shouldn’t. It’s a dive bar in the finest tradition. But it’s not the best one.
The distinction of being the best dive bar in the city goes to a little dump just up from the Greek embassy on Mala Zhytomirska called Blindazh, which in Russian translates as “foxhole” or “dugout.” Either way, it’s true to its name.
Credit goes to those who even notice the Blindazh signboard, let alone venture down into the dank environs. Inside there’s camouflage netting above you, what could pass for a dirt floor below, and lots of hard wooden chairs. Machine guns, helmets, and various flags make up the charming decor. A red bunker light glaring behind the bar highlights Soviet propaganda posters tacked up here and there.
The prices are great (Hr 4 to Hr 7 per pint), but best of all is the atmosphere. Throwing together penny-pinching students and local riff-raff chain-smoking cigarettes while surrounded by military memorabilia and hardware is nothing short of beautiful.
Blindazh dives deep to claim our best dive bar award.
Blindazh
15A Mala Zhytomirska, 228-1511.
Open daily from 11 a.m. to 2 a.m.
English menu: No.
English-speaking staff: No.
