Ukraine’s leading Web sites garner more than 20,000 hits per day. ISPs, news portals, and business directories are springing up like prefab pools in a trailer park. Fiber optic networks and satellite connections are solving archaic infrastructure difficulties. Technology is here, ladies and gentlemen, and with some ingenuity, hard work, and six to seven color glossy photos of naked women, you too can still get in on the ground floor of this exciting industry. What am I talking about, you say? Impossible, you say? Well I say SPAM! Yes, nothing says Westernization like bargain-basement offers for Viagra and pornography.
Act Now! The boom and bust cycle won’t last forever. No start up funds? No problem. No revenue model? No problem. Simply ride the tide of inflated paper wealth, provide temporary employment for a whole generation of educated young people, and then leave them adrift without skills that are otherwise applicable.
Don’t miss the boat. Just click on the links below, send them along to five friends at no initial cost to you, the investor, and watch the money roll in.
This is wacky naked stuff
WARNING!!!! This leads to an adult web site. If you wish to be removed from future correspondence, click the link below. It won’t work, but you can try. We’ll continue sending you e-mail after e-mail from a variety of easily obtainable e-mail addresses.
If you continue, you must be at least 21 and not be offended by adult material. Of course, we have no way to confirm your age. In fact, we have absolutely no means of deterring you underage viewers from experiencing this WACKY NAKED STUFF.
If you’re over 21 and are offended by adult material, you’re a bed wetter and everybody knows it. Mama’s boy.
You’re going to die!!!!
We all have to go sometime, but there’s no need for sexual dysfunction while we’re living. From the friendly pharmaceutical folks in Slovenia who brought you really sterile gauze in the mid-1990s, now there’s Davai! Through a complex metabolic process, Davai! lowers your high-density lipids and raises your low-density lipids, giving you LIPIDS OF AVERAGE DENSITY! “What does all this mean?” you ask. It means “stallion” ain’t just a fancy word for a horse, my friend.
Click on this link and you’ll receive a street address. Go to that address at the appointed time. There you will meet a man named Kolya. He’ll be the one smoking a cigarette and wearing a black trench coat. You will then give him the secret code: “I don’t want to work. I just want to bang on the drum all day.” No, he can’t make change for a twenty. Also makes a great gift!
Debt free for life
A trained professional has a little talk with your creditors to:
l Slash your credit card interest rates down to zero!
l Cut your monthly payments by 50 percent or more!
l And much, much more …
Because this is not a loan program, there is no need to own any property and almost everyone with debt over Hr 5 qualifies!!! Once you’re a member of our family, consider all of your financial problems taken care of.
l Does not cover home, auto loans or accidental death and dismemberment policies.
An e-mail for Christ’s sake
He died for your sins. Why not send an e-mail for Jesus?
The place: a small village outside of Ivano Frankivsk. The year: 1956. A small boy witnesses a small miracle. From an illuminated icon depicting Stepan Konstantinov (Patron Saint of Loose Change), tears pour fourth. Amazed, the boy falls to his knees and begs for the saint’s blessing. Instead, he receives a string of insults and a recipe for stuffed cabbage.
“This stuff takes time. You can’t rush a good stuffed cabbage,” says the painting.
Viewing it as a sign from God, the boy dedicates his life to the church, even after they ask him to leave. On his deathbed, his last request is that his story be disseminated to the general public through that holiest of media, e-mail, or in a made for TV movie starring Charles Durning. Durning was unavailable, but if you send this e-mail on to five of your most pious friends, we can establish the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth.
