Teenagers fighting with their parents has always been a common issue, normally portrayed in media with slightly over-dramatic teens and a lot of slamming doors.
A healthy amount of discussion and debate is good for strengthening any relationship, but these days arguments between parents and their teens have risen to appalling proportions.
So many of my peers tend to have a strained relationship with at least one of their parents and get into arguments on a daily basis.
This comes as a shock to many parents, who grew up in a time when it was atypical for children to argue or disagree with their parents. Some adults these days are quick to blame teenage behavior they don’t quite understand the “taste in music and pesky phones or devices they’re always using.” Teenagers often complain to their peers or to their siblings about how either or both of their parents don’t understand them at all.
I often ask myself these questions: What if it’s more than judging too fast or blaming each other instead of seeking to empathize? What if teenagers today are simply being raised in a world completely different from that of their parents? What if the strategies parents employ to set expectations for conduct & behavior are out of sync with this generation’s needs & aspirations? What if we, as teenagers, interpret very differently parental attempts to express authority and use strategies that are dismissive, confrontational or disrespectful?
Since adolescents today grow up in an environment so contrasting to their parents, it is inevitable that new social and cultural norms will affect teenagers’ beliefs and interests. An impressionable teenager living in a world, quite different from his/her parents, might simply grow up to be an individual quite different from his/her parents. This concept is referred to as a generational gap, where there are social changes, such as differences in interests, values, and social norms, between two generations.
While evaluating this issue, I questioned whether this was a challenge only the latest generations faced. Surely, parents and teenagers have always had certain misunderstandings, not just in my generation. However, with further research, I realized that the generational gaps in the past were probably smaller due to the slow pace of change, limited mobility, & access to information. In addition, societal norms & pressures of the time placed parents at revered positions & ensured that children accepted their directions/wishes unquestionably. In such an environment, teenagers often identified with their parents to a large extent, conformed to behavioral expectations and hence, generational gaps were not as wide. On the other hand, in today’s ever-changing, complex society, teenagers are subject to experiences that their parents never had as adolescents. This increases generational gaps, and, perhaps consequently, increases arguments between parents and their teens.
That being said, what are some of the generational gaps parents and adolescents face today?
One of the main differences between the two generations is the change in values. Teenagers today value individuality, expression of self, and inclusivity. Most teenagers are taught to embrace their uniqueness and express themselves freely. They are also taught to be more understanding and accepting of other cultures, races, and ethnicities. These values can be contrasting to the ideas and beliefs the previous generation prioritized. For example, the generation before made following societal rules and fitting in far more important. They were also raised with slightly more conservative views about new cultures, sexual orientations, and gender roles.
Views on technology and, more specifically, social media is definitely one of the biggest causes of this generational gap. Growing up in a predominantly “offline” world, the adolescence of our parents was very different from ours. We’ve all heard of the “back in my day…” phrase where parents talk about the hardships they endured. Whether it be due to a lack of accessibility to vast information or the inability to communicate with friends’ miles away. With the advent of technology and social media, this is no longer an issue for us. In fact, it has paved the way for a completely new lifestyle, one of our parents never experienced.
Another significant difference is the increasing exposure younger generations have to new lifestyles and people.
Due to a smaller, more connected world accessed through social media, teenagers are able to interact with people of nationalities different from their own. This gives them knowledge about various cultures, sometimes, ones completely different from that of their parents. At times, it can be challenging for parents when adolescents adopt ideas from these foreign cultures. Growing up, going to multiple international schools, I find myself able to closely relate to this issue. My friends and other classmates, mostly from Western and European countries, tend to have different values and beliefs than that of my comparatively conservative Indian parents. It can sometimes be a challenge to fit in at school while also following the rules and morals of my parents. As a result, this has caused some arguments between us from time to time. However, over time, both my parents and I, have learned to balance and accept these differences. I have also come to realize that as much as individuality, self-expression & independence are important, I am equally responsible for my family’s well-being. I am beginning to understand that my relationship with the family & the world outside is an interdependent one. Balancing these two priorities is where the magic that I am seeking lies!
Varying values, more exposure to new lifestyles, globalization, and many other advances have all contributed to an increasing gap between generations. However, simply by explaining and discussing these differences, parents, and teenagers can attempt to bridge the gap. If both parents & teenagers are willing to hear & be heard, surely, mutual understanding can lead to fewer arguments, yelling, and door slamming.
To quote Marvin J. Ashton: “If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.”
That’s always nice, right?
