The newest iPhone… check
AirPods… check
The trendiest shoes… check
Such an ever-growing checklist seems to run endlessly through the minds of most teenagers today. The need to conform to social standards and belong seems to be stronger than ever before. Even though we are taught to embrace our uniqueness and create our own identities, most teenagers can’t help but want to “fit in.”
What is it that has created this deep culture of wanting to fit into the molds of whatever will be the latest fad, the flavor of the month, the most popular style of the season?
Perhaps it is the change in what success means to many teenagers. When talking to adults, the meaning of success varies from a promotion to establishing a healthy relationship with a loved one or simply mastering a new skill. But when talking to a teen, oftentimes, the meaning of success is clear. Acceptance. Having friends, fitting in, feeling a sense of belonging and being valued by our friends is what gives us that rush of endorphins. And how do we feel accepted? During this turbulent period called adolescence, teenagers are still discovering and figuring out their identities. And at a time like this, it feels easier to become what everyone else is. If it works for them, it should work for you too, right?
To add on to this feeling, there is also what adolescents normally experience — fear of missing out, or FOMO, some people call it. Whether it be a new experience or a product or a trend, teenagers are often afraid to not experience the same things as their peers. Not going through the same things as our friends give us the anxiety that we might be left out, no longer being relatable.
With the invention of social media, this fear of missing out is even more prominent among teenagers. Unlike previous generations, we are now able to see our friends traveling to exotic places, going to concerts, doing exciting new things; essentially highlights of what seems to be their perfect and happy life. With constant reminders and notifications from Instagram or snap chat stories to see others enjoying life, “fomo” only increases in adolescents, consequently, increasing the pressure to follow trends.
However, it is important for us to remember that we risk losing our own, unique, identities when we simply follow everyone else. Even though it can be challenging to be your own person and highlight your individuality, it is important to assert oneself with confidence. It is no doubt challenging, but it’s absolutely necessary to recognize one’s individuality, accept it, and turn it into strengths. It’s a long and hard process, but trust me, it’s worth it.
Another important dimension from my personal experience is how my behavior and the need to fit in and be valued by my friends influence my parents. In my early teens, I found that they tended to worry about me being influenced too much by my peers, or that I was selling out on my values to fit in with my friends. They constantly worried that I won’t be able to say no if I am under pressure to try risky things, like skipping school or smoking. All of this worrying stopped once I started taking time to talk to them openly about the choices I make and asking them when in doubt about any particular decision I was uncomfortable with or unsure about. My parents have always encouraged me to try new things and to persevere at things that I initially found hard or wanted to give up. Success with such experiments has helped build my confidence and self-esteem. My parents are a big influence on boosting my confidence and therefore I find it easier to resist negative peer pressure and influence.
Having an open & honest channel of communication with my parents and the freedom to make my own considered choices has given me a strong sense of self. With time I have come to know where to draw the line when it comes to peer pressure and influence. Coping well with peer pressure in my view is about striking the balance between being myself and fitting in with the group. I have found that if I am happy with who I am and with my choices and values, I am less likely to be influenced by other people. I do choose to do some things that my friends do, but not others.
To summarize — even though no one is forcing trends down our throats, most teenagers feel a strong need to follow trends.
Sometimes, it’s to feel accepted, while other times it’s the fear of missing out on certain experiences. It is always easier to act and behave like everyone else instead of being your own person and showing up authentically. However being conscious of our choices and constantly reminding ourselves that it’s important not to lose our identity, we will soon get comfortable with whether or not to follow trends. All of a sudden, being the odd one out won’t seem so scary after all!
Srishti Gummaraju is an international student pursuing high school studies in Kyiv. She is an avid reader, linguist, active student community member, interested in exploring new cultures, and hopes to pursue higher studies in communications and international relations.
