All you need to know to have fun at the beach rave fest
KaZantip dark times. Religious and ethnic strife. A widening gap between rich and poor. Political deadlock in capitals the world over. So much today seems to be either frighteningly apocalyptic or vapidly recycled (or, as in most action movies, both). But these are not appropriate thoughts for summer—especially in Ukraine, where dreams of beaches, shashlyk and dancing outdoors until dawn should be our only focus. And what better way to celebrate the season and the sense of the End of Days than at the world’s most apocalyptic party? For KaZantip is not so much an event as it is a way of life. And there, dancing in the Crimean sand, the Black Sea roiling at your back while you pound away on any one of the fourteen dance floors, you might indeed believe that the Day of Judgment is upon us, and that maybe it won’t be as bad as you first assumed. Or, perhaps, looking around you at the thousands of smiling partygoers dancing, sleeping on their feet or frolicking naked in the surf, you may think the End has already arrived, and that the gates of heaven have gleefully welcomed you home. But first things first: what is KaZantip, how do you get there, and where do you stay? Patience, my son. All will be revealed.
What it’s all about
KaZantip, the party, traces its beginnings back to 1992, when a small group of dedicated partiers held a beach rave at a decommissioned nuclear plant (rumored to be actually a missile silo as well), where, for the next seven years they met up each summer to celebrate the season and the freedoms of Crimea. But it wasn’t just a party. In defiance of the political situation, the organizers set up a mock nation, officially known as the Rave Republic KaZantip, complete with constitution, a supreme leader and mock cabinet positions (in fact, the Minister of Foreign Affairs has been all over Europe promoting the event, and the supreme leader himself can be seen at the party, watching it all from his private bunker, announcing edicts and enacting new legislation dedicated to providing you with the best time possible). But here decadence is the first freedom in the bill of rights and the judicial process is certainly nothing C-SPAN would air. It is a nation united for bliss, devoted to the safe enjoyment of all of life’s finer activities. And the beauty of KaZantip is that it can be all things to all people. While it doesn’t have to be just sex, booze and techno, it certainly can be if that’s what you’re into. But as anyone who’s every spoken to someone who’s been there knows, many visitors express an experience there more akin to a religious conversion, as if a spirit of freedom had firmly captured them there on the Black Sea coast, and the lessons learned have been brought back home as easily as a tourist in Kyiv might return with a nesting doll.
The local authorities, of course, didn’t exactly share in the original spirit of liberation, and asked the organizers to find a new location a little further away from the residual plutonium (probably better in the long run for the health of us all). Now, each year, the people behind the party find some gorgeous spot on the coast, where, for five full weeks, people come from all over the world to party non-stop, with over 300 famous international, Ukrainian and Russian DJs spinning sets from midnight to midnight, taking short breaks only to grab a quick drink or jump in the sea. And while the festival has grown considerably to include people from various countries and all walks of life, the guests are still known for their eccentricities, with many donning elaborate and bizarre yellow costumes (the official color of KaZantip), and others covering their bodies with the letter “Z,” another proud tradition. Agreement is pretty unanimous: The revelers are friendly and the music is slamming, so convince your friends, and grab a ticket. With fourteen different stages, thousands of guests, and the laughably liberal laws of a mock republic, chances are you won’t be bored.
Journey & stay
Interested? Of course you are. And the party just started this weekend, so you have plenty of time left to get there between now and the finale on August 26th. In fact, a number of friends of mine went down there for the inaugural bash, and filled my phone all weekend with tantalizing texts about the magnificent scene). So how do you get there? Easy. Held this year in Popovka, Crimea, you have a number of options. You could certainly take a bus or an overnight train to save some cash, but, if you’re like most of us, you really only have the weekend to spare, so a short flight is your best bet. With roundtrip fares from Kyiv advertised as low as $150 roundtrip, you’re really not going to break the bank (but, as with most flights, the prices can vary wildly, and there’s often a number of hidden “taxes,” so call ahead, get a few quotes and be smart about it. You’re probably more likely to spend at least $200, if not a little more if you buy your tickets just a few days before. KaZantip is partnered with Tourbuero tourist company, so you may want to check with them online for any more information).
Once you land in Simferopol, you’ll need to get a cab to the site itself. This can be arranged through the KaZantip organizers, though, at 45 euros per person roundtrip. If you have a few friends with you and speak even a bit of Russian, you’re probably better off haggling with any number of taxi drivers. If you’ve ever flown into Simferopol before, you know there’s no shortage of chain-smoking men clamoring at the gates to drive you anywhere you want to go as long as the price is right. I’m told deals can be made anywhere from $50 to $100 per carful, depending on your haggling skills and the desperation of the driver. The ride should take a few hours, but you’ll be too excited to notice. Besides, some of the best scenery in Ukraine can be seen on the roads from Simferopol to the party site, so take a camera, and try not to be afraid when it seems that the road in front of you couldn’t possibly handle two passing cars. Such is the miracle of the peninsula.
And your choices of lodging are as varied as the revelers themselves. There are no hotels near the Rave Republic and camping is no longer tolerated, but the organizers, once again, have everything under control. At the lowest end, for 100 euros a night, you can get the Comfort Room Plus, a standard spot with two beds and a private bathroom in a large boarding house. Extra beds cost 15 euros more a day, with a maximum of four per room. For only 20 euros more, treat yourself to the Luxurious Room, where both sleeping quarters and bathroom are bigger, you can choose between two small mattresses or a single spacious double bed, and you get air conditioning, a TV/DVD combo and a fridge. Also, you’ll be in a small cottage with a quiet backyard (never a bad thing to have a nice place to escape the madness for a few minutes) complete with BBQ. If you’re looking to splurge a little more, the Be Famous room, for 160 euros, has all the accoutrements of the former, but with a sitting room complete with divan and table, as well as a terrace. And, if you think you can make the cut, the Exclusive room, for 300 euros, has internet, a private garden, 24-hour security, with a shared billiard room, sauna, in-house swimming pool and a kitchen with a private cook. Perhaps, more importantly, the website explains that this house is “where the most beautiful dancing and party girls stay.” But there’s only two of these rooms, and applicants will be “selected.” Long-term clients are preferred for both the Be Famous and Exclusive accommodations, though money usually talks, and, if either is empty when you want to go, you can probably get a night or two. However, for those who really want to make an impression—and have the cash to do it—the Accommodation Oligarch is the only choice. For anywhere from 1,000 to 5,000 euros a day, the organizers of KaZantip will get you an entire house within spitting distance of the festivities. Or, if you prefer (and why wouldn’t you?), they can get you a catamaran or yacht parked right in front of the main party beach. Good for between four and twenty people, this is the only way to roll for the monied set, spending your afternoons waving to Russian banking moguls and rap stars from hull to hull. However, if none of these options sound appealing, I’m told by those who’ve been there that there’s plenty of locals trying to capitalize off the influx of foreigners, and deals can be made outside the purview of the supreme ruler. Keep your ears open, look around, don’t be overly trusting and perhaps you can find a nicer place at a better price.
Getting around
As for those activities necessary to sustain life (so often forgotten at events such as this), food and water in Crimea are notoriously cheap, and there are plenty of markets where you can buy more than you’ll need of Ukraine’s perfect produce at prices that reflect only a slight markup. (There’s also a number of small cafes and bars, where you can get a shwarma or two, and even more complex dishes. But don’t expect magic: most of these employees have been up for as long as you have, so order simple). Also, keep an eye out for entrepreneurial “citiZens,” looking to make a fast buck or two selling homemade food. Look at the person closely, check out the food, and then decide if you feel comfortable enough to buy. There are plenty of safe places to exchange your euro or dollars, and ATMs abound, but there’s not many proper shops near the site, so go through your baggage twice to make sure you’ve packed everything you think you’ll need. If you have a Ukrainian cell phone, the reception should be fine (it certainly was as my friends were taunting me with there SMSs) and the temperatures in Crimea are notoriously perfect this time of year, so you can leave your corduroy at home. What’s more, if the need should arise, the supreme leader of the republic has made sure to have a team of licensed doctors and first-aid kits on hand.
As for entry to the festival itself, if you think you’ll be visiting more than once, then the 75 euros multiaccess pass is for you, and it can be reserved it online. If you think just a night or two will be enough, daily passes are available at the gate, but you can’t get one in advance (though I’ve never heard of the party being too full to admit just one more would-be reveler). This is the last obstacle to the full five weeks of decadence and dancing.
But, really, all the information above should be the last time you have to think about any of this nonsense. KaZantip is not about planning. It’s about the spontaneous possibilities life can offer when you’re in the middle of an autonomous republic, dancing to some of the best electronica in Europe broadcast through the latest club technology, and surrounded by thousands of fellow “paradiZers.” Any attempt to describe it does a great disservice to its unique genius. So figure out how to explain to your boss that a sick aunt needs a ride somewhere next Monday, and I’ll see you in paradiZe!
