In an extremely sarcastic post on Facebook, Ukrainian Justice Minister Denys Malyuska announced that people would now be able to purchase gift certificates for suspects awaiting trial to improve the quality of their holding cells.
“Have you been invited to the birthday party of an official, judge or politician? Or maybe, they forgot to invite you? Still thinking about a gift? We know the way out! From now on, the Ministry of Justice is offering a new service — we offer gift certificates for upgrades to paid cells in Ukrainian pre-trial detention centers! The gift certificate is for a friend and, if he is taken into custody, he will be able to get into a cell with improved conditions of detention,” Malyuska wrote.
The humorous nature of the post led many to believe that the statement was merely an out-of-season April Fools joke. But the post includes a postscript clarifying that, despite the tongue-in-cheek nature of the message, the service is very real.
The service, available online through the Ministry of Justice, allows citizens to purchase upgrades in holding centers in Kyiv, Lviv, Chernihiv, Zaporizhzhya, Dnipro, Kharkiv, Sumy, Starobilsk, Poltava, Zhytomyr, Khmelnytsky, Chernivtsi and Vinnytsia.
Among the reported luxuries provided by the upgrade: central city location, hourly guards, improved hygiene, three square meals a day and “the opportunity to distract yourself from your social media and gadgets.”
The certificates are not linked to any individual. Rather the buyer pays for a certificate covering a certain number of days of detention. The recipient receives this certificate and can use it within a six-month period. If the certificate is not claimed within this period, the remaining money will go to support Ukraine’s compliance with European standards in maintaining pre-trial detention centers.
But it’s not a cheap gift — at least not everywhere. In Kyiv, the service costs Hr 2000 ($72) per day or Hr 12000 ($432) per month. For those planning their incarceration in Chernivtsi, the service is a steal at just Hr 346 ($12.50) per day.
If a prisoner has been illegally or wrongly detained in a pre-trial detention center, he or she will receive compensation from the government in line with the current regulations of the law, the minister added in the comments.
Many people took to the comments section to post their own humorous responses to the minister’s post. Some asked if the minister himself would be requiring one of these certificates soon, while another asked if the government had finally teamed up with popular gift card service bodo.ua
Jokes aside, if you need a gift for your corrupt official buddy or petty criminal pal, this certificate may well be the answer.
